by Hadley Wilson
Six months ago, were I asked to describe myself in two words, they would’ve been “anxiety-ridden.” I’ve dealt with fairly constant anxiety disorders for my entire life and I think it got to the point where I would define myself by my mental state. My fears, worries, stresses. I was Scared Girl. Shy Girl. Won’t Speak in Front of a Crowd Girl.
At 10, I had my first anxiety attack. My mom actually rushed me to the emergency room due to the fact that my lungs refused to retain any air. They informed us—after two hours of x-rays, tests, and very white walls—that nothing was wrong. It was a “panic attack”. Euphemistically, my Little Problem. My family is able to laugh about this now, but at the time it was scary. The little kid mind of mine didn’t understand what was going on.
High school has brought about a whole lot of excess anxiety. Partway through this school year, I found myself having regular panic attacks. They would come about due to seemingly inconsequential things. Walking down the hall to Chemistry, staring at the horrid, yellow-striped walls, I’d worry and worry. Were people watching me walk? Those quiet conversations behind me just had to be about me. A small presentation in front of a class of strangers led to weeks of not sleeping.
There was one day that was particularly awful. I began to feel anxious at the beginning of the day and it quickly escalated into a full-blown anxiety attack. Third period was Seminary. I couldn’t focus and sitting in that class was the last thing that I wanted to do.
The first scripture that we glanced at was D&C 6:34: “Therefore, fear not, little flock.”
Immediate calm. Immediate comfort.
I had forgotten the understanding that my Father in Heaven and Savior have of me. They know that I’m afraid! They know that I’m in need of comfort! It was me who had failed to allow them into my life. Their love for me is greater than anything that I could ever imagine. Their love for ALL of us is uninhibited and unending.
I think that we too often get overly caught up in our problems. We fail to remember that there are two people who know us perfectly, and we happen to have a direct line of communication with them. And that’s pretty cool, isn’t it?
Just in the past few months I’ve stopped viewing myself as simply the girl with the mental illness. I’m a daughter of a Heavenly Father with divine potential. I know that everyone around me is loved infinitely by Him, so why shouldn’t we all show them that same care? You never know what someone else is going through.
D&C 6:36 states, “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.”
Brian Kershisnik “She Will Find What is Lost”
Has there ever been a time in your life when it seemed impossible to make it through on your own? How has prayer and the love of your Heavenly Father helped you through?